MY CHILD IS BEING SO CLINGY

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Parents often ask this question: “My child is so clingy. They don’t want to play by themselves. They won’t let me leave the room, even to use the toilet. And yet the more space I want, the more clingy they get! What should I do? or How do i go about it"

I watch most parents doing hide and seek with their child before they can go handle their daily activities.
Clingy children are super difficult, it’s so tiring to have someone hanging off you all day, and you just want a break.

I really do understand it from the child’s perspective too, there can be many reasons why they are clingy:

 

The child’s temperament – some kids are less social and prefer the safety of their parent’s company. This can be very challenging if the parent has an outgoing personality.

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* Sometimes they are clingy when you would like to give your attention somewhere else, e.g., you want to cook dinner or make a phone call

* And sometimes it’s when our attention is on our mobile phone (checking Facebook!)

So as you can see, sometimes it is because they need to build some skills in independence; other times the child needs first to feel safe; sometimes it is to do with getting your attention; and often they need a lot of empathy.

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What’s normal?

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Of course I value independence. But I think it’s not exactly reasonable to think that young children will play by themselves for hours. And I think it’s important to just be with your kids and enjoy time together too.

It just needs some work if your child is constantly attached to your leg or wanting to be picked up all the time.

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So let’s run through a few ideas that can help in these areas.

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1. Understand your child

** An introverted child may find groups overwhelming. They may need to stay with you at first, or you may want to make your visit shorter to accommodate your child’s needs too.

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** Listen to your child – instead of saying, “don’t worry, it will be ok”, you can provide understanding, “is it that you feel scared with all these people?” or “are you worried you might not be able to find me?” etc. This doesn’t mean you have to solve the problem, just let them know you understand.

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** Fill their emotional bucket – starting the day with a long cuddle and reading books can fill your child’s emotional tank before the day gets busy. This can make them less clingy. And when my children start to get whiney, I do the opposite of what I’m thinking and offer them a cuddle instead.